Thursday, June 5, 2008

Gel Buste Sulimant Effet Tenseur

I haven’t written much over the past month – mainly because I’ve been struggling earnestly, and somewhat painfully, with growing and being better in my role – which has had the unfortunate side effect of causing a general sense of humor failure.

All of this was cured miraculously this morning when I went to grab my Decleor moisturizer sample that Trish, our Decleor rep, gave me last week. She said she had the perfect thing for me – just what I needed. And what I needed this morning was a little pick me up. Coffee and a burst of essential oils seemed to be just the thing.

But the moisturizer was a little more gel-like than I remembered. After rubbing it all over my face, I picked it up to read the instructions, which started innocently enough with: “Apply using circular movements” but, rather unexpectedly, ended with: “. . . avoiding the nipple area.”

I read it 3 times. Was this one of those strange translation errors you see when traveling abroad, like: “Teeth extracted by latest Methodists” or “It is recommendations leave your values at the front door.”

Nope. Turning the bottle over, I realized that I had doused my face with “Perfect Scupt: Gel Buste Sulimant Effet Tenseur” or “Bust Beautifying Toning Gel.”

Hmm. The “perfect” thing for me.

Yes, I have birthed two children, and, as Murphy Brown once said to Quantum Leap guy, “Contents may have shifted during flight.”

But really. I mean. Really.

On the bright side, my “C” cup cheeks have never been perkier.